“I am not sure if I feel anything.”, she said. “Its like my soul has shut down, stopped to feel. Both sadness and happiness. I am just floating on the surface ready to embrace whatever is destined for me.
I used to be afraid of sadness. I used to fear heartache in the wake of love, I used to fear attachments, I used to fear the fall after soaring too high, I used to fear a lot. But then I experienced it all. You see, happiness ends and is followed by melancholy. Both are consecutive, so in life at one moment you are on cloud nine and at other moment you are drowning and suffocating for air and the former moment is not mere moment but eternity on its own! The only thing that helps you survive through this lengthy phase of sinking is, the memory of being on cloud nine.
So I have felt too much to feel anything for a while….”
“We cannot be logical completely all the time, or in fact emotional. Being the first, all the time may complicate things, hinder you from opportunities and may cease you from having a more clear, brighter and wider prospect. Being the former all the time may bring lots and lots of embarrassment and hurt because everyone does not deserve to have the raw version of you and your mind.”, grandpa appeared to be in deep thoughts. He spoke of emotions and I saw his face tighten more as though he was speaking out of grief.
He further added, “What is important is being a realistic person, forming a balance between logics and emotions. You must decide who deserves you and where you must invest your emotions, you must decide where logics fit and where nature intervenes… ”
“So there is no room for mistakes?”, the little boy asked.
“Mistakes is what you will learn all this from.”, said Grandpa smiling.
“The ache never leaves.”, he said. Seemed like he was plunged into something long gone. Something that still dominated him, the particular scent of memory his only favorite as though.
“There are times when you get too busy with your life, you think your business might keep you from feeling what you feel. But at night , when you lay down, tired and exhausted the memory revives and takes up the whole of you. You drown. You sink. You find it hard to breathe. In this struggle the night ends and the cycle goes on…..”.
He took a brief pause then added, ” You never forget your first love, you see. Never! If you have sincerely and truly fallen in love there is no falling out of it. The second and the third and fourth love and so on is merely falling in love with the memory of the one you loved, or loving the reflection of her if you see it in someone!”
P.S this is my first post of the challenge which started here. She is doing a wonderful job 🙂
And I took the challenge without any invitation just because I liked it. It is like challenging myself and knowing how well I can do. I do not invite anyone everyone is free to take this challenge from my side 🙂 All you have to do is Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge.
“I want to be so very me, so that you know, in me perfection doesn’t exists, that I am not flawless and I am too learning from life like you are, I make mistakes, numerous risks I take and things do not necessarily turn out my way!
So that when you commit ‘you are the best’ you really know who you are talking about and that the definition of best is actually what you see in me”, she said.
“With people, its rare to find a concerned soul. Someone who listens to not judge, who listens to console and who speaks to advice or to lift you up and not taunt and demoralize. I do not know what has gotten so wrong with the world. So I really am the silent type and that is why I only speak to my journal and to no one else. Because I know. They’ll hear and then make me feel even worst. “
“What are you dreams?”, he wanted to know as much as possible. His curiosity had grown much much more over the time and had made him restless.
“I do not talk about my dreams.”
“But why not?”, he insisted.
“I just do not feel like it.”
“Still give it a try.”, he was pushing more than he should but he didn’t bother.
“Do you really want to know?”
“I do.”, as simple as that!
“Err… my dreams are not the fairy tale dreams usually teenagers imagine. If I put it correctly, my dreams are perhaps my life goals, anchoring me to stay in a stable position even when my days are rumbling down like the enraged waves, you see. Life is like that too.”
It was best to remain quiet and listen he knew that, because it wasn’t likely that she ever spoke about anything related to herself. But this once she chose to open up. Strange.
“I am not the type to search for riddles, like people want to know what there is to life? Its meaning and all? I just want to stay afloat and not drift with the tides crashing down somewhere I do not want to be. May be because I’ve been through it once and I do not want it to happen again?
I don’t know… its confusing..”, she trailed off.
He took a brief pause then stated, ” It is not confusing. It is very simple. Your dream is to survive in a graceful manner and live with simplest of joys without ever being intruded by calamities inflicted upon you due to decisions that may be wrong?”
Amazed at his description she added in a subdued tone, “That’s how it is…”
And they both stayed silent afterwards. She wasn’t sure if her answer was accurate but somehow she felt saying that as she really felt that way. He on the other hand was amazed on how remarkable she was… He always knew her silence and hesitation had more to it than meets the eyes..