The State of Being Numb

“I am not sure if I feel anything.”, she said. “Its like my soul has shut down, stopped to feel. Both sadness and happiness. I am just floating on the surface ready to embrace whatever is destined for me.

I used to be afraid of sadness. I used to fear heartache in the wake of love, I used to fear attachments, I used to fear the fall after soaring too high, I used to fear a lot. But then I experienced it all. You see, happiness ends and is followed by melancholy. Both are consecutive, so in life at one moment you are on cloud nine and at other moment you are drowning and suffocating for air and the former moment is not mere moment but eternity on its own! The only thing that helps you survive through this lengthy phase of sinking is, the memory of being on cloud nine.

So I have felt too much to feel anything for a while….”

p.png

When You Say Nothing At All

9e2ad9e6080d237918fdc8d7df9055ac

“But my silence is for me. Not for you. Not anything against you. It is just difficult to explain…”, he said.

“How?”, just a mere whisper.

“It is… is me questioning myself and it is me being too loud inside my head. It is me repelling the world and at the same time drawn towards it. It is me wondering and wandering.

I am reluctant towards many thing people instantly leap and grab on. It however does not mean I am fog struck. I have a clear prospect. I am analyzing the pros and cons, I am mediating, I am recovering and I am pondering whenever I am silent.

It is sometimes like a tug of war. In between many options and many chances many what ifs I am pulled, and pulled apart! So I shut my mouth and let it be. It is not that I shut my mouth in anguish, it is my kind of let it be.

Like the anchors hold the ship amidst water, my silence anchors me amidst whatever life throws at me. Pleasant and unpleasant both. My silence is my satisfaction and my restlessness both.I just want someone, not all but just one living soul to understand what my silence means. Better than the way I myself can explain. To understand when it is happiness and when it is sadness and be in complete harmony with my soul. Just like that. ”

P.S title credits belong to the song SMILE of Ronan Keating. It was one of fav songs when I listened to music 1.5 years ago and my most fav line was “You say it best, when you say nothing at all.”

Challenge post: Day 1

large (36)

“The ache never leaves.”, he said. Seemed like he was plunged into something long gone. Something that still dominated him, the particular scent of memory his only favorite as though.

“There are times when you get too busy with your life, you think your business might keep you from feeling what you feel. But at night , when you lay down, tired and exhausted the memory revives and takes up the whole of you. You drown. You sink. You find it hard to breathe. In this struggle the night ends and the cycle goes on…..”.

He took a brief pause then added, ” You never forget your first love, you see. Never! If you have sincerely and truly fallen in love there is no falling out of it. The second and the third and fourth love and so on is merely falling in love with the memory of the one you loved, or loving the reflection of her if you see it in someone!”

P.S this is my first post of the challenge which started here. She is doing a wonderful job 🙂
And I took the challenge without any invitation just because I liked it. It is like challenging myself and knowing how well I can do. I do not invite anyone everyone is free to take this challenge from my side 🙂 All you have to do is Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge.

Just so you know

“I want to be so very me, so that you know, in me perfection doesn’t exists, that I am not flawless and I am too learning from life like you are, I make mistakes, numerous risks I take and things do not necessarily turn out my way!
So that when you commit ‘you are the best’ you really know who you are talking about and that the definition of best is actually what you see in me”, she said.

large (35)

“I believe in relations that are beyond materialistic desires.”, she bit her lip then carried on. “Yeah… I believe in that. The holiness of a true relationship has more to it than the riches, material, money, looks of the person.

It is who they are in being, it is what they say, what they worship, what they practice, the way they care, they way they’re honest, they way they speak, they way they are silent and it never bothers because their silence has meaning and surprisingly we begin to understand those meanings! It is these and a lot more things that make you drawn to a person and to love them. It is then a true love, a true bonding, a real relationship. Respecting each other for who you are and understanding every simple and complex entangled bits of each other!”

large (23)

This World Has Gone Bonkers

“With people, its rare to find a concerned soul. Someone who listens to not judge, who listens to console and who speaks to advice or to lift you up and not taunt and demoralize. I do not know what has gotten so wrong with the world. So I really am the silent type and that is why I only speak to my journal and to no one else. Because I know. They’ll hear and then make me feel even worst. “

10682324_541737109293173_5581086477187374526_o

I have no dreams

“What are you dreams?”, he wanted to know as much as possible. His curiosity had grown much much more over the time and had made him restless.
“I do not talk about my dreams.”
“But why not?”, he insisted.
“I just do not feel like it.”
“Still give it a try.”, he was pushing more than he should but he didn’t bother.
“Do you really want to know?”
“I do.”, as simple as that!
“Err… my dreams are not the fairy tale dreams usually teenagers imagine. If I put it correctly, my dreams are perhaps my life goals, anchoring me to stay in a stable position even when my days are rumbling down like the enraged waves, you see. Life is like that too.”

It was best to remain quiet and listen he knew that, because it wasn’t likely that she ever spoke about anything related to herself. But this once she chose to open up. Strange.

“I am not the type to search for riddles, like people want to know what there is to life? Its meaning and all? I just want to stay afloat and not drift with the tides crashing down somewhere I do not want to be. May be because I’ve been through it once and I do not want it to happen again?
I don’t know… its confusing..”, she trailed off.

He took a brief pause then stated, ” It is not confusing. It is very simple. Your dream is to survive in a graceful manner and live with simplest of joys without ever being intruded by calamities inflicted upon you due to decisions that may be wrong?”
Amazed at his description she added in a subdued tone, “That’s how it is…”
And they both stayed silent afterwards. She wasn’t sure if her answer was accurate but somehow she felt saying that as she really felt that way. He on the other hand was amazed on how remarkable she was… He always knew her silence and hesitation had more to it than meets the eyes..

large (16)