She collects the droplets of mist,
as though they are,
scattered bits of her own,
and as the hour passes by,
she keeps missing you more,
as though you are,
her lost home!! 

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“We are all looking towards a fast forward, to see what tomorrow holds. Whether it is up to our expectations or not. In search of this fast forward, our anxiety is eating up our happiness.”

 

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She still remembered the time when they both were enough for each other. She took care of his battles and was always by his side while he knew that whenever he needed, his sister would always be having his back. That was how strong they had been and she strongly believed that though distance and people may have come in between she could ascend fearlessly forward because she knew that if she ever tripped her brother would be there for. Right on time. Right when she needed him the most.

She recalled how once in childhood her cousin broke her doll and he saved his allowance to get her a new one though he wanted to buy a transformer car. And how they fought over winning the race and he always cheated and she pretended to let him win in the board games because she loved to see him tease her over his victory. She was happy in his success, whether she lost or not. She succeeded when he did and that was enough.

Life took its toll over them and they grew up fighting and smiling, teasing and chasing, together until their paths differed. The course of life changed for her and his life took different turns and they parted on their ways moving towards the opportunities, fulfilling their dreams and chasing their aims. She never settled. She had her postings from city to city over the last twelve years. In the race of life she missed the good old times, when there were no responsibilities but more of innocence and carefree leisure.

They met only once at his reception however, she was in a hurry and was on board as soon as their vows ended. Work was important. But she did make sure to be present on the most important step of her brother’s life. He understood and was okay with it.

And here she sat now in the cafe, waiting to meet her brother after such a long span. He called her last night to inform her that he had come on vacations with his children to Alaska and wanted to meet her. He did not complain of anything. Just that as soon as he arrived in Alaska she became the priority and that was enough. She was playing the memories back and thinking when her shoulder was tapped by a light hand. She looked around to see a 4 year old girl standing beside her smiling, wearing a pink frock and pony tail. Her features were same as hers. What a remarkable resemblance! The little girl spoke, ” Hello Aunt Jane!” and leaped forward for a hug. She instantly responded and picked the child up in her lap. She looked around and there he was. Her little brother, 6 ft tall with a beard and in a nicely cut and stitched navy blue coat having a baby of roughly 8 months old in his hand while his wife approached her with a warm smile.

This reunion was perhaps one of the perfect moments in all those long years. The evening flied, she accompanied them to her humble residence later on.

When You Say Nothing At All

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“But my silence is for me. Not for you. Not anything against you. It is just difficult to explain…”, he said.

“How?”, just a mere whisper.

“It is… is me questioning myself and it is me being too loud inside my head. It is me repelling the world and at the same time drawn towards it. It is me wondering and wandering.

I am reluctant towards many thing people instantly leap and grab on. It however does not mean I am fog struck. I have a clear prospect. I am analyzing the pros and cons, I am mediating, I am recovering and I am pondering whenever I am silent.

It is sometimes like a tug of war. In between many options and many chances many what ifs I am pulled, and pulled apart! So I shut my mouth and let it be. It is not that I shut my mouth in anguish, it is my kind of let it be.

Like the anchors hold the ship amidst water, my silence anchors me amidst whatever life throws at me. Pleasant and unpleasant both. My silence is my satisfaction and my restlessness both.I just want someone, not all but just one living soul to understand what my silence means. Better than the way I myself can explain. To understand when it is happiness and when it is sadness and be in complete harmony with my soul. Just like that. ”

P.S title credits belong to the song SMILE of Ronan Keating. It was one of fav songs when I listened to music 1.5 years ago and my most fav line was “You say it best, when you say nothing at all.”

“We cannot be logical completely all the time, or in fact emotional. Being the first, all the time may complicate things, hinder you from opportunities and may cease you from having a more clear, brighter and wider prospect. Being the former all the time may bring lots and lots of embarrassment and hurt because everyone does not deserve to have the raw version of you and your mind.”, grandpa appeared to be in deep thoughts. He spoke of emotions and I saw his face tighten more as though he was speaking out of grief.

He further added, “What is important is being a realistic person, forming a balance between logics and emotions. You must decide who deserves you and where you must invest your emotions, you must decide where logics fit and where nature intervenes… ”

“So there is no room for mistakes?”, the little boy asked.

“Mistakes is what you will learn all this from.”, said Grandpa smiling.