“I saw your flaws and I found them much similar to mine, I saw your fears and I could relate and I saw how badly you were treating yourself for all that has gone wrong and I wanted to love you and assure you that all will be right! Such attachments are lethal! Terrific but destructive!”, she whispered those words to a picture she held in her hands.

P.S Random thought.

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Quotes

”We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

The State of Being Numb

“I am not sure if I feel anything.”, she said. “Its like my soul has shut down, stopped to feel. Both sadness and happiness. I am just floating on the surface ready to embrace whatever is destined for me.

I used to be afraid of sadness. I used to fear heartache in the wake of love, I used to fear attachments, I used to fear the fall after soaring too high, I used to fear a lot. But then I experienced it all. You see, happiness ends and is followed by melancholy. Both are consecutive, so in life at one moment you are on cloud nine and at other moment you are drowning and suffocating for air and the former moment is not mere moment but eternity on its own! The only thing that helps you survive through this lengthy phase of sinking is, the memory of being on cloud nine.

So I have felt too much to feel anything for a while….”

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“We are all looking towards a fast forward, to see what tomorrow holds. Whether it is up to our expectations or not. In search of this fast forward, our anxiety is eating up our happiness.”

 

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She still remembered the time when they both were enough for each other. She took care of his battles and was always by his side while he knew that whenever he needed, his sister would always be having his back. That was how strong they had been and she strongly believed that though distance and people may have come in between she could ascend fearlessly forward because she knew that if she ever tripped her brother would be there for. Right on time. Right when she needed him the most.

She recalled how once in childhood her cousin broke her doll and he saved his allowance to get her a new one though he wanted to buy a transformer car. And how they fought over winning the race and he always cheated and she pretended to let him win in the board games because she loved to see him tease her over his victory. She was happy in his success, whether she lost or not. She succeeded when he did and that was enough.

Life took its toll over them and they grew up fighting and smiling, teasing and chasing, together until their paths differed. The course of life changed for her and his life took different turns and they parted on their ways moving towards the opportunities, fulfilling their dreams and chasing their aims. She never settled. She had her postings from city to city over the last twelve years. In the race of life she missed the good old times, when there were no responsibilities but more of innocence and carefree leisure.

They met only once at his reception however, she was in a hurry and was on board as soon as their vows ended. Work was important. But she did make sure to be present on the most important step of her brother’s life. He understood and was okay with it.

And here she sat now in the cafe, waiting to meet her brother after such a long span. He called her last night to inform her that he had come on vacations with his children to Alaska and wanted to meet her. He did not complain of anything. Just that as soon as he arrived in Alaska she became the priority and that was enough. She was playing the memories back and thinking when her shoulder was tapped by a light hand. She looked around to see a 4 year old girl standing beside her smiling, wearing a pink frock and pony tail. Her features were same as hers. What a remarkable resemblance! The little girl spoke, ” Hello Aunt Jane!” and leaped forward for a hug. She instantly responded and picked the child up in her lap. She looked around and there he was. Her little brother, 6 ft tall with a beard and in a nicely cut and stitched navy blue coat having a baby of roughly 8 months old in his hand while his wife approached her with a warm smile.

This reunion was perhaps one of the perfect moments in all those long years. The evening flied, she accompanied them to her humble residence later on.